the realization that i do not like making a construction to photograph
the way that i told myself i would be more in the world now
the thing about one person saying to another we should hang out just the two of us
the realization that what there is is enough
the thing about being on the periphery
the way the body moves through water
25 January 2013
04 December 2012
25 November 2012
total soup day
My kneecaps are sore, that's probably a first. Two days in a row of surfing is not something my body is used to anymore!
Yesterday on my way back from Yoga Soup, a low-key but, um, rigorous Saturday morning class, I got a good look at the waves
and couldn't not get my surf stuff together & head right back down to the beach. It was small but still glassy and offshore and the water was warm, relatively. Since I was on a super responsive gun and the waves were small and I'm out of practice and my popups are weak, I wasn't really getting any waves and ended up just playing in the soup, riding whitewash.
Getting out of the water I was thinking about how I'd already had two kinds of soup in one day, and how in any case I wouldn't be eating any soup, it was too damn hot. Then my stepdad made broccoli soup for dinner.
Yesterday on my way back from Yoga Soup, a low-key but, um, rigorous Saturday morning class, I got a good look at the waves
and couldn't not get my surf stuff together & head right back down to the beach. It was small but still glassy and offshore and the water was warm, relatively. Since I was on a super responsive gun and the waves were small and I'm out of practice and my popups are weak, I wasn't really getting any waves and ended up just playing in the soup, riding whitewash.
Getting out of the water I was thinking about how I'd already had two kinds of soup in one day, and how in any case I wouldn't be eating any soup, it was too damn hot. Then my stepdad made broccoli soup for dinner.
17 November 2012
what's the difference between motion and movement?
Is it still 2012?
That's cool I need more time anyway.
I'm listening to the rain.
I'm enjoying it.
Like I never thought I would after coming back from Denmark.
I was so sick of precipitation.
Sick from precipitation.
But now.
In a drought.
Needing it.
Most of my energy is going towards thesis but this happened. Volume 2 issue 3 I think.
That's cool I need more time anyway.
I'm listening to the rain.
I'm enjoying it.
Like I never thought I would after coming back from Denmark.
I was so sick of precipitation.
Sick from precipitation.
But now.
In a drought.
Needing it.
Most of my energy is going towards thesis but this happened. Volume 2 issue 3 I think.
12 November 2012
this is a very particular kind of dance
I think that if I didn't have to have ambition the next thing I would want to do would be to move to Scandinavia and learn to make ceramics; I'd cast the hands of my friends and sculpt my own ideal bowl. So as to have something to sink my spoons into. And mugs, I would make mugs too; I could never have enough.
In the second year of my MFA people have begun to ask me if I have begun looking for teaching jobs. When I tell them I am not going to teach they ask why I'm in the MFA at all.
It's not so much a geographical thing, wanting to head north; it's more that I want to do something practical. Actually poetry is totally practical but it's the thing of wanting to make concrete things.
Even with a Ph.D it's difficult to get a job teaching at the university level, which is why the professors recommend against the doctorate unless that's the only thing you want in your life, at least for the next seven years. An MFA almost doesn't compete; even adjunct jobs are scarce and the security in adjuncting is tenuous at best.
I'm tired of always being thinking of the next thing, that's all.
In the second year of my MFA people have begun to ask me if I have begun looking for teaching jobs. When I tell them I am not going to teach they ask why I'm in the MFA at all.
It's not so much a geographical thing, wanting to head north; it's more that I want to do something practical. Actually poetry is totally practical but it's the thing of wanting to make concrete things.
Even with a Ph.D it's difficult to get a job teaching at the university level, which is why the professors recommend against the doctorate unless that's the only thing you want in your life, at least for the next seven years. An MFA almost doesn't compete; even adjunct jobs are scarce and the security in adjuncting is tenuous at best.
I'm tired of always being thinking of the next thing, that's all.
30 September 2012
22 August 2012
endless / waveless
It only took six weeks for my leg hair to grow out. And even though I've been back in California for over a week now I still haven't shaved; I like feeling that I am an animal. Studying poetry has made me more sensitive on every level. I hear more in music now and when I am touching objects they touch me back. Since reading Baudrillard I have been thinking every time I drive about my personal identification with my car, which is so much like a bear; am I like a bear; if I were an animal, would I want to be a bear? I've always perceived myself more like a dolphin.
This year has been really splendid; I've gotten to travel a lot. Utah, and California's coastal spine, and Helsinki and Sweden and Copenhagen and Paris. Next time I go to Finland I will go to the country and spend every morning in the sauna and afternoon in the forest but I loved Helsinki; I loved the flea markets and the berries and the fish. At the Hietaniemi flea market I found an Olivetti Valentine for 25 euro (!!!!) but didn't buy it because I didn't want to carry it around all day. I had two picnics in abrupt downpours. I learned how to say excuse me and I said it to everybody because I felt bad that I couldn't say anything else.
It was storming like crazy in Sweden, too; when I got to Gothenburg lightning was striking and the mall flooded. A couple days later there was even a tornado. But the days at the beach were perfect and beautiful, the dream Swedish summer, nights that stay light and don't get cold. I swam more in the ocean in four weeks in the North than all year in California. Man får passa på. I didn't see any jellyfish this year.
I got the sunniest week of the year in Copenhagen and I swam there too, at Islands Brygge in the harbor. It was cold, like jumping in the ocean in Santa Cruz in April. I got the other sunniest week of the year in Paris, which I didn't even actually want to go to. I mean of course I wanted to go to Paris, I have been wanting to go there forever, and way more after reading Stein and Rimbaud and Bachelard, but by the time it was time to go, I was not wanting to be in a city, I had just been in three cities, and really Copenhagen was great this time, because I don't live there anymore, and I just get to do all the fun things and leave, but I was wanting to go slow; I like moving, but I like moving slowly. But yes above all else I like being in motion, so on the flight to Paris I just thought of the trajectory I was drawing, and then I was there, and there was this language I know nothing of and cheap wine by the glass and a park or a square on every other corner and cheese to die for, and all movement and flux, and everywhere something astonishing to look at.
This year has been really splendid; I've gotten to travel a lot. Utah, and California's coastal spine, and Helsinki and Sweden and Copenhagen and Paris. Next time I go to Finland I will go to the country and spend every morning in the sauna and afternoon in the forest but I loved Helsinki; I loved the flea markets and the berries and the fish. At the Hietaniemi flea market I found an Olivetti Valentine for 25 euro (!!!!) but didn't buy it because I didn't want to carry it around all day. I had two picnics in abrupt downpours. I learned how to say excuse me and I said it to everybody because I felt bad that I couldn't say anything else.
It was storming like crazy in Sweden, too; when I got to Gothenburg lightning was striking and the mall flooded. A couple days later there was even a tornado. But the days at the beach were perfect and beautiful, the dream Swedish summer, nights that stay light and don't get cold. I swam more in the ocean in four weeks in the North than all year in California. Man får passa på. I didn't see any jellyfish this year.
I got the sunniest week of the year in Copenhagen and I swam there too, at Islands Brygge in the harbor. It was cold, like jumping in the ocean in Santa Cruz in April. I got the other sunniest week of the year in Paris, which I didn't even actually want to go to. I mean of course I wanted to go to Paris, I have been wanting to go there forever, and way more after reading Stein and Rimbaud and Bachelard, but by the time it was time to go, I was not wanting to be in a city, I had just been in three cities, and really Copenhagen was great this time, because I don't live there anymore, and I just get to do all the fun things and leave, but I was wanting to go slow; I like moving, but I like moving slowly. But yes above all else I like being in motion, so on the flight to Paris I just thought of the trajectory I was drawing, and then I was there, and there was this language I know nothing of and cheap wine by the glass and a park or a square on every other corner and cheese to die for, and all movement and flux, and everywhere something astonishing to look at.
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