06 February 2010

middle of the road

this has apparently been the snowiest winter denmark has had in at least twenty-three years, if i have my facts right. typical enough, right - at least i didn't come here all the way from california for nothing but rain.

with snow comes freezing and icicles. check out the ice on this bike!

the bike lanes here - unlike in berlin (really, i'm glad i don't live there) - are plowed so biking in the snow really isn't so bad. except when giant snowballs and hunks of ice lie on the path. and when the slush starts getting everywhere.

and if you're a tiny kid, what better way to get around than to have pappa drag you on a sled?

there aren't that many hills here, but there are sleds and parks aplenty.

i'm feeling really stuck in between denmark and california, between danishness and americanness, right now. when i'm with my danish friends, i feel like they are so much more rational, methodical, and less spontaneous than i am. they plan how long it takes to bike to a show and exactly when to get there, and compared to them, i fly by the seat of my pants. yet compared to my american friends, i am over-exacting, a little too conscientious, and probably even boring. i'm always the one who tries to rally the group, which is strange, because i am really not a group person.

so right here, right now - on my cozy, velvet, newly-acquired couch - is where the rationality of scandinavia and all the unpredictability of the americas collides. i'm pretty confused pretty much all of the time. by now i speak enough danish, except on days when i can't talk or just don't want to. but of course i still can't express myself and make myself understood as well as i can to speakers of my native tongue. on the other hand, most of my english-speaking friends don't understand danish and don't get "that" side of things. i don't know which side of the looking glass i belong on.

yet i'm not homesick. i don't feel like leaving. i'm enjoying the fact that i've gotten used to freezing weather and am looking forward to the promise of spring. i take pleasure in the knowledge that each passing day is a little longer than the last. i even saw some blue sky yesterday. but that doesn't change the fact that this is not my home. hence all the nesting.


Barbara said...

Every once in a while I think about the fact that I have a whole section of my brain filled with words and experiences from Sweden that influence who I am but are never really openly expressed when I am in the US, just because it never comes up. I get confused, too.

Now that we are going to be moving home I remember thinking, "I will just take the train over to visit these friends", since that is a part of my life here. Then I remember: "What train?? There are no trains there!"

maya said...

i'm glad you can empathize, barb! going back to the states is going to be so strange.